Dread Pirate Roberta
by TheSpectrum890
Summary: Roberta's just a regular poor girl, but she and her friends put on shows for money, which means food. One day, though, a strange Spaniard meets her and asks her a very peculiar question, one that even an actress like her can't answer without hesitation.
1. Prologue

**A/N= Hey, Nicki here. I got the idea for this while watching the movie. Surprise? I think not. Hope you like it!**

Dread Pirate Roberta

Inigo Montoya needs a successor. Fast. But no man he has met has made the requirements. So, no one he has met is worthy of the name 'Dread Pirate Roberts'. But Inigo has a plan. After stealing a ship, he would use it to sail to the nearest harbor, leaving his crew to handle the Revenge so as to give him the ability to blend in as a Spanish stranger, not the Dread Pirate Roberts. He would go as he pleased, able to meet new men and possibly, hopefully, find his successor. The plan is perfect, he thinks, reclining in the Captain's Quarter's. Nothing can ever prevent me from finding the next taker of the name.

Inigo hears a call, "A ship; a ship on the starboard bow!" A knock—hurried, somewhat frenzied—is heard on the door. Inigo smiled. It must be Peter, his newest, youngest crewmember.

"Sir! Captain, sir, uh, Captain, um, what should we do, Captain, sir?" he asks. His voice sounds frantic. Inigo's smile broadens.

"It is okay, Peter. Do not worry! Just prepare to fight. Take no prisoners!" Inigo laughs. He can almost see Peter's large hazel eyes widening with the fear and excitement of a first fight as his footsteps hurry away. Inigo stands, strolling carelessly to the door and onto the main deck. Most of his crew are just leaning against the sides of the ship, drinking beer and joking about how easy the fight will be. Meanwhile, Peter is scurrying around, steps quick, trying to find something useful to do. Inigo chuckles, climbing to the crow's nest and taking the telescope from the man holding it, Sebastian, and putting it to his eye. It's a fishing ship. Perfect.

"Sir! Sir, Captain, sir, the ship is getting closer! What should we do? How should we fight?" Peter calls up to Inigo.

Inigo calls back, "Just toss them into the waves! If they die, fine, but what's the point in killing a fisherman? All they have is fish."

"Nicely said, Captain!" Sebastian laughs. Inigo smiles, climbing down to the main deck and drawing his sword, flicking it from his right hand to his left and back again. A newly discovered habit. Inigo glances at him, then at the fishing boat. Now that it's closer, he could see how small it really was. "Better than I thought," he mutters under his breath. As the boat sailed closer, his crew began to laugh and joke about how easy it'll be to capture and take the ship.

"Simple!"

"Nothing's easier than fishing boats!"

"Why not something harder?"

"I could eat those guys like the fish they catch!"

"SHUT UP!" Inigo shouts. "AND GO GET THEM!"

The fishing boat is side-by-side with the Revenge. By the cheery grins and waves that the fishermen are sending them, they don't know that the crew is the one of the Dread Pirate Roberts. His men leap aboard the fishing vessel, laughing and grabbing the fishermen like mice and tossing them into the sea. Inigo hops onto the small ship and says to his first mate, Jon, "Go to the cove. You know the one. I'll meet you there within the month. You're in charge, now, so don't leave anyone of worth alive unless you can use them as a bribe."

"Aye, sir!" Jon shouts. Inigo smiles and waits for his crew to be on the Revenge and then sails away towards the nearest harbor. This will be faultless.

**A/N= I know it's short; it's just a little opener. It'll get there. This is so cool. Best idea for a story I've had yet, I'd say. Hope you agree.**


	2. A Good Question

"But Mother, I love him! Please, Mother, let me stay!" I cry.

"I can't do that. This man is no good; no good, I tell you! You can't just go prancing around with every man you see! You're coming to that land across the sea with me, and that man isn't coming!" Kayla shouts.

"Mother, don't do this! Please!" I glance around at the forming crowd, the tears of an actress blurring my vision slightly. My shoulder-short golden hair falls over my shoulders and some of my chin-length bangs conceal my stormy gray eyes. "I love him, I always have and I always will, so… so you can't make me leave!"

"Yes I can, I'm your mother!" Kayla's shouting again and she, too, has tears in her eyes. To be honest, though, I think those are tears of the laughter she's holding back.

"But—"

"No buts! Come on!" Kayla snatches my wrist, but James sets a hand on my shoulder.

"Ma'am, let her stay. She's just a child," he says. "And I love her. She loves me."

I gape at him. He wasn't supposed to be in this one! Is he just going to wing it? I swallow, to get rid of the snappy remark I was about to make, but it appears to be a swallow to keep down more tears. "Jacob, you're here…" I stage whisper.

"Yes, love, I'm here." He grins, but only I am close enough to see his shoulders shaking with silent laughter. I smile at him 'gratefully', but Kayla practically hisses at him, "What are _you_ doing here? Leave my sight at once! You'll never see my daughter again, scum!"

"Mother, stop!" I shout. This isn't what we planned! "He isn't what you say he is!"

"Oh, I know just what he is! I wish I didn't, but I know that he's a kangaroo hunter!"

How does she come up with these things with no hesitation, you may be wondering? I taught her to speak whatever came to her head when improvising.

"Mother! How dare you accuse him of such cursed things!" I gasp.

"I dare because I'm the lost queen of Alondac! You have a responsibility as the princess of that land to raise the llamas there!" Kayla's green eyes glow with laughter.

I don't object, playing along with the new, sudden change of character. "Mother! You've been lying to me all these years?"

"Yes, I have. Now let's go!" She tugs on my wrist again and James' hand falls from my shoulder. In a quick movement, my free hand flies to my neck. Kayla and James see and Kayla's fingers release their grasp on my wrist. I bow; my friends repeat the action. The huge crowd cheers.

"I knew doing this at the entrance to the church was a good idea," I mutter to my friends. They bow lower, and I know they're nodding. There are many stairs leading to the church doors, so more people can see. James' hat is upside-down on one of the middle stairs, and lucky for us, it's practically overflowing with coins.

"Thank you! Thank you very much! Thank you!" I shout to all the audience. They begin to drift away, and once almost everyone is gone, I hop down and look at the hat, which is full, and the coins that are around it after slipping from the top of the pile.

"Yes! Yes! Look at this! This'll be enough to last us a day, maybe two! This is great!" I laugh. Nothing is better than having great meals for a full day! "I knew this would be our best yet! But why did you come in, James?" I ask.

James grins. "I wanted chow as much as you did, girl."

I put a hand on the back of my head, tipping my head back a bit. "I highly doubt that."

"Okay, you're right. But you're always hungry, so it can't count!" he moans.

"Excuse me?" a man asks. I turn. My hand falls back to my side. A Spaniard? What's he doing, walking up to us teenagers and asking something of us?

I draw my dagger, very, very subtly, so he doesn't notice. He doesn't act like he does. "Yes, dear sir?" I ask. "Is there something you need from us?"

"I'd just like to know where you'll put this money."

I knew it. I knew it! He wants you money, nothing else! He wants to know where we put it so he can steal it! Quicker than eyes can follow, I was on his back, piggyback-style, with my dagger at his throat. "Why do you want to know?" I hiss like a snake, hostility tainting every syllable. "Is it so you can steal it, huh? You want our money?"

I feel him chuckle. "I do, but I have quite enough." In a flash, the dagger is out of my hand and in his and I'm on my knees on the stairs. I blink up at the stranger.

"Who are you?" I ask. He grins.

"I am Inigo Montoya, also known as the Dread Pirate Roberts."

"Roberta…" James pulls me onto my feet and murmurs in my ear. "Don't pick a fight with this guy. He's seriously dangerous—"

I scoff. "And I'm not?"

"Well… this guy has killed people. Lots of people."

"Honestly, James, who do you think I am? The queen? I can take care of myself!" I snatch my dagger back from the guy and slip it back in my thigh sheath. I had donned a dress my friend Mary made for the skit to make myself look sophisticated and rich. I sneered at the Spanish man. "You really think I'll tell you where I'll put this? You're insane."

The man, Inigo Montoya/the Dread Pirate Roberts, laughs out loud. "You've got moxie, lass, I like that." He pauses, looking thoughtful. "How'd you like to become my apprentice?"

My mouth opens, a quick remark poised on the tip of my tongue, but the words won't come free. I close my mouth, and then I open it again before, yet again, closing it. My friends are astounded. I've never been as speechless as I have been now, not ever. Glancing at them, I stare up at Inigo. "Can… can they come too?" I ask. "If they can't, then I'm not going."

"Okay, okay, I see. I see. _Veo. No se preocupe. Entiendo,_" says Inigo. My friends blink. I sigh.

"He said, 'not to worry, I understand,'" I translate with another heavy sigh. This is exhausting, and we've only just started talking. "I told you guys to learn Spanish. Why didn't you listen?"

"You never told us to learn Spanish! You told us, 'GO GET YOURSELVES EDUCATED IN OTHER LANGUAGES, YOU LAZY BUMS!'" Kayla objected.

"Exactly." I glare at Inigo. "_Por qué me pregunta esto, qué hay de mí chispas de su interés*_?"

"_Es la manera de hablar, la forma en que se mueven. Es la manera de un pirata bien entrenados**_," he explains. The two watching us gape.

"_Veo._" I sigh. "_I le acompañará a su barco, entonces. Cuándo debo comenzar mi entrenamiento***?" _ I inquire. He smiles.

"_Inmediatamente. Pero esper; tiene todo****?"_ he asks. I think.

"Ah! Right!" I gasp. In English, obviously. My friends are dumbstruck. I glance at Inigo. "I need to get my sword."

"Where did you get a sword?" he asks.

"I stole it. Now, I'll see you soon. I'm glad to be your apprentice, sir!"

**Ah, I'm sure you're all very curious as to what they said. Apart from those who speak Spanish. For those who do, good job. It's a good language to learn. For those who don't, it's fine. **

***Why are you asking me this, what about me sparks your interest?**

****It is the way you talk, the way you move. It is the way of a well-trained pirate.**

*****I see. I will accompany you to your ship, then. When do I begin my training?**

******Immediately. But wait; do you have everything?**


	3. I'm Sorry Guys!

**Hey everyone… I'm back. Right now. At least, for one story. I know, I know, I've got like 3 going right now; I can't cover them all. And recently… well, reading can't hold my attention right now. I don't know why. So I'm sorry. All stories except my new one (to feed my addiction) are to be postponed. How long? Maybe… summer? If inspiration suddenly comes to me (I highly doubt it), I promise you, I'll update. Cross my heart. Now, my friends, I apologize. **

**Onto my next topic. I have recently developed an obsession with a British show called Doctor Who. If any of you have heard of it, that's fantastic (;D) and for those who haven't, I pity you… But anyway, I'm starting a new story. If I get enough reviews and crap, I'll definitely make it with the girl as a companion, not just a regular chick off the streets with serious luck issues. Otherwise, it'll just be the girl and the Doctor for a bit (It'll take place after Donna, before his regeneration, because David Tennant is brilliant!). **

**Now, I must say… adieu! Ciao! Hola! Pleasant day! **

**Love, Nicki :3 **


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